Copeland’s book provides a compelling overview of the societal and personal upheavals caused by DNA testing, but it doesn’t fully unpack the psychological intricacies of the experience. As a psychotherapist, my perspective bridges that gap by articulating the deep, often invisible wounds left by family secrets and the moral injury they create, especially in children. My exploration of pre-emptive moral injury offers a framework that moves beyond the vague notion of “hurt feelings” and instead delves into how these dynamics impact identity, attachment, and mental health in a lasting, tangible way.
For instance, I highlight how family secrecy—even before a DNA revelation—can create a fractured sense of self, low self-esteem, and difficulties with trust. These outcomes go far beyond the immediate emotional shock of discovering a hidden parentage or family betrayal. Instead, they represent the long-term consequences of a relational environment built on tension and unspoken truths. By naming these psychological processes, I provide a clearer roadmap for understanding the ripple effects Copeland describes but doesn’t fully dissect.
My emphasis on the unthought known reveals how even preverbal children are impacted by family dynamics. This deepens the conversation Copeland starts by framing the harm not as something that begins with the DNA revelation, but as something seeded in the culture of secrecy that often surrounds it. When a DNA test brings that secret into the open, it doesn’t just cause a “sense of damage”—it exposes wounds that have already been festering, making them impossible to ignore.
I also focus on healing strategies—like developmentally appropriate disclosure and fostering open communication—which extends Copeland’s discussion by offering hope and actionable solutions. Where Copeland captures the shock and disruption of these revelations, there is a path forward, helping individuals and families work through the fallout and rebuild trust and connection.
This enriches the conversation started by The Lost Family by not only naming the psychological and developmental harms but also situating them within a broader cultural and familial context. It gives readers—and clients—the language and tools to move from nebulous pain to deeper understanding and, ultimately, healing.
As a genealogist, The Lost family is a book I recommend everyone read BEFORE they submit to a casual DNA test. So many people have deep secrets woven into their families, and genetic genealogy often forces them to pull at those threads, even when - especially when - those secrets belong to others and are unknowingly exposed.
Shell, I am reading Libby's book, and you have summarized it quite well. The kilt for whatever caused viewers to smile. Libby makes it clear that there may not be smiles when one learns the undeniable truth, and attempts to share it. I agree with Libby: before you spit into that vial, read her book.
Copeland’s book provides a compelling overview of the societal and personal upheavals caused by DNA testing, but it doesn’t fully unpack the psychological intricacies of the experience. As a psychotherapist, my perspective bridges that gap by articulating the deep, often invisible wounds left by family secrets and the moral injury they create, especially in children. My exploration of pre-emptive moral injury offers a framework that moves beyond the vague notion of “hurt feelings” and instead delves into how these dynamics impact identity, attachment, and mental health in a lasting, tangible way.
For instance, I highlight how family secrecy—even before a DNA revelation—can create a fractured sense of self, low self-esteem, and difficulties with trust. These outcomes go far beyond the immediate emotional shock of discovering a hidden parentage or family betrayal. Instead, they represent the long-term consequences of a relational environment built on tension and unspoken truths. By naming these psychological processes, I provide a clearer roadmap for understanding the ripple effects Copeland describes but doesn’t fully dissect.
My emphasis on the unthought known reveals how even preverbal children are impacted by family dynamics. This deepens the conversation Copeland starts by framing the harm not as something that begins with the DNA revelation, but as something seeded in the culture of secrecy that often surrounds it. When a DNA test brings that secret into the open, it doesn’t just cause a “sense of damage”—it exposes wounds that have already been festering, making them impossible to ignore.
I also focus on healing strategies—like developmentally appropriate disclosure and fostering open communication—which extends Copeland’s discussion by offering hope and actionable solutions. Where Copeland captures the shock and disruption of these revelations, there is a path forward, helping individuals and families work through the fallout and rebuild trust and connection.
This enriches the conversation started by The Lost Family by not only naming the psychological and developmental harms but also situating them within a broader cultural and familial context. It gives readers—and clients—the language and tools to move from nebulous pain to deeper understanding and, ultimately, healing.
As a genealogist, The Lost family is a book I recommend everyone read BEFORE they submit to a casual DNA test. So many people have deep secrets woven into their families, and genetic genealogy often forces them to pull at those threads, even when - especially when - those secrets belong to others and are unknowingly exposed.
Absolutely. I welcome you on board to my page. I have a few stories in the wings you might like. 😉
Ignorance, nor knowledge, is bliss. It depends...
Shell, I am reading Libby's book, and you have summarized it quite well. The kilt for whatever caused viewers to smile. Libby makes it clear that there may not be smiles when one learns the undeniable truth, and attempts to share it. I agree with Libby: before you spit into that vial, read her book.
Putting her book on my to read list!!
Very thoughtful analysis. I look forward to your next post! :-)