What Happens When You Stop Covering the Past?
You Let Go & See the Light Ahead
You should write a book!
People always say that to my husband once they hear some of his background stories, like the one linked here: đ A REAL DAD
I probably didnât hear that as much over the years, but then again, I was wearing quite a decorated mask.
I became good at keeping secrets.
In fact, I remember a particular discussion when I was just starting out with a young family of my own.
A few friends & I were discussing our past and how much we were willing to share, especially with our kids as they got older and began asking questions.
I came up with a drastic plan to not talk about my past at all to avoid answering the specific questions I wanted to keep hidden.
I made up a mantra. Something like,
âMy past doesnât matter. I wonât answer this question so that more donât crop up. Letâs just stay in the present, or even the future.â
I just added layer after layer over the hidden junk.
As my girls became women, they might ask something on purpose, knowing that I wouldnât answer. Something like, âDid you try smoking as a teenager?â
While thatâs not a huge deal to admit or discuss, I stubbornly stayed with my mantra so it wouldnât lead to deeper issues. My girls would tease:
âOh yeah, Mom doesnât talk about her past!â (Eye rolls & sarcastic laughs).
They surely didnât realize just how much I was hiding.
Neither did my friends & colleagues.
An old diary entry of mine shows me saying how much I wanted to escape my past and create a different future for myself.
I had it down to details on what kinds of Christmases I wanted to have. What the environment in my house would be like. What kind of family dinners. What kind of relationships. What career & education. What pastimes, like reading, exposure to art & culture. Music. Travel. Friendships. Values. Beliefs. Church. . .
And I seemed to have curated all of that, fulfilling my dreams.
đĄWhat I didnât realize was that this covering up of the past was a tiresome job.
The past never stays covered.
My daughters, especially one of them, felt cheated (and maybe offended) that I wouldnât share anything. Itâs strange that even today, my daughters donât know a whole lot about my life growing up.
And then I went ahead a wrote a book after all.
I wrote a story that laid bare a major revelationâone that was difficult to let go.
You can find it here:đ My Fatherâs Daughter
When one daughter read it, she was surprised about what she called, âall the traumaâ spilling out onto the page.
It might have been helpful for her to have a heads-up, for it made her sad as she is herself a mother now and didnât particularly relish experiencing the environment in which I lived.
I thought I was protecting myself from heartache or embarrassment by keeping so much behind a mask, so unraveling a story such as mine in My Fatherâs Daughter took a lot of strength I didnât know I had.
But be assuredâit is a story of restoration, and once you delve in, you find strength to find the light out of darkness.
Recent eventsâlike telling my sister the truth, or talking through some issues with my family have relieved some of the burden of covering in ways I could not imagine.
I really didnât know it would feel so good to live without that mask.
But now that I do, I can encourage you.
If you are working hard to cover your past, try facing it head-on. You will be surprised how capable you are at defeating what you imagine as monsters. Theyâre really not that scary once you see them for who they are: weak little demons who cower to the truth.
And I bet your story isnât over yet. I know mineâs not.
If you only look backward, you might miss the redemption ahead.
What are our experiences good for if not to gain wisdom & share that with others?
[ â¤ď¸ Liking & Sharing these stories can help others gain encouragement. Contributing to a writerâs work is also a nice way to support the arts. The đ Buymeacoffee website linked here makes it easy to donate when you feel moved to đâ .]



It's incredible, isn't it?
Many people get to the point where they cannot tell which is the mask.