I Didn't Always Feel Different

But the Truth Changed Everything

Did you always feel you were different from your family?

People keep asking me this question.

It’s a question I don’t like to answer.

Even my own sister asked when the truth came out: Did you always know?

I don’t like the idea of answering that question in the affirmative. It doesn’t sit well with me.

When my nephew finally heard about the story in my debut book, he said he wasn’t surprised.

How can that be?

I certainly was.

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Maybe you experienced something ground-shifting like I did.

Would you say you always felt different?

I did not.

Well, not exactly.

I knew I wanted something different for my future life.

I didn’t want a house full of the dirty build-up left from the plugged up exhaust of tension-filled relationships.

I didn’t want that fatty liver caused from whiskey replacing water intake either.

Or the metaphorical fatty liver caused from hiding your deepest secrets behind the brown, numbing drink.

That disease inhibits the proper filtering of thoughts, expressions, and even love.

All that sludge keeps a healthy flow diverted & trapped.

I wanted a life with true joy.

Freedom

Purpose

So, I didn’t necessarily feel different from my family. I felt I belonged. I was theirs.

I just wanted something different.

How I was going to get what I wanted was not easily answered.

Looking to my parents’ relationship was not going to accomplish it. They were not the example I needed.

I guess due to the human condition, looking to anyone to fulfill such a desire—a life of purpose & joy—probably is not the right path.

I started looking above & beyond.

So yeah—that was different.

What might have been normal would have been to look in bars. In men. In hedonism.

Instead, I found literature.

Stories of people overcoming hardships.

Growing. Learning. Teaching.

I found The Spirit guiding me along a path I couldn’t see clearly.

The past crumbling behind me.

A path that led to a different life than one I expected when I was young, growing up in Detroit, fighting to find peace.

The only direction that holds life is forward

I didn’t realize until much later that walking this path led me so far away.

To a very different place from where I started.

Once there, I started uncovering new truths. And then, I could never get back.

Now, I was different and there was no denying it.

But you know what? That’s okay.

It’s not really advisable to go backwards anyway, is it?

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So next time someone asks me if I always knew I was different, I will answer:

“No. But I know now that I am. And it’s okay.”

Maybe you can answer that way too.

The past is no longer a place you want to return to.

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